We’ve all heard it earlier than: “We’re nonetheless associates.” It sounds mature, advanced—even spectacular. However is it at all times the healthiest alternative?
The thought of staying associates with an ex is usually romanticised as an indication of emotional intelligence or proof that the connection ended on “good phrases”. However beneath that polished floor is usually a messy mix of unresolved feelings, blurred boundaries, and emotional self-sabotage. In reality, staying associates with an ex can do extra hurt than good—particularly in case you’re not each 100% healed.
Listed here are seven brutally sincere explanation why you would possibly wish to rethink retaining that ex in your contacts listing.
Why You Should not Keep Buddies With Your Ex
1. It Delays the Therapeutic Course of
Let’s be actual—breakups harm. Whether or not the connection ended dramatically or just fizzled out, emotional wounds want time and area to heal. Remaining associates typically creates the phantasm that nothing’s actually modified, which might cease you from correctly grieving the top of the connection.
When your ex continues to be texting you “good morning” or calling after they’re bored, you’re not really detaching—you’re simply cushioning the autumn. True therapeutic begins once you settle for the loss and provides your self permission to maneuver ahead, with out consistently wanting again.
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2. Previous Emotions Don’t Simply Disappear
Irrespective of how “over it” you suppose you might be, emotions are hardly ever black and white. Staying near somebody you as soon as beloved—romantically, emotionally, or bodily—can reignite needs, jealousy, or unrealistic hopes. Even in case you’ve moved on, your physique remembers their contact, your mind remembers the nice occasions, and your coronary heart… effectively, it’s simply confused.
And let’s be sincere: all it takes is one susceptible evening, one “I miss you” textual content, and out of the blue you’re in harmful territory.
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3. It Can Block New Relationships
Think about assembly somebody wonderful—somebody you actually click on with—after which casually mentioning that your ex continues to be your “finest buddy”. It sends blended alerts, doesn’t it?
Most new companions aren’t thrilled about having to compete with an ex to your time, emotional vitality, or loyalty. Even when it’s really platonic, the emotional baggage might be arduous to elucidate. Holding your ex round might unintentionally preserve the door half-open—and nobody needs to construct one thing new within the shadow of the previous.
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4. There’s a Danger of Emotional Dependence
In lots of post-breakup friendships, one particular person typically leans extra closely on the opposite. Perhaps you continue to go to your ex once you’re upset, or maybe they depend on you for validation and assist. Both means, that form of emotional dependence might be poisonous—it retains each of you emotionally entangled and makes it more durable to create wholesome boundaries.
Friendship needs to be balanced. However with exes, it typically turns into a cycle of 1 particular person nonetheless giving greater than they need to, beneath the guise of “simply associates”.
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5. The Boundaries Are Blurry at Greatest
Are you able to speak about your new accomplice? Can they speak about theirs? Can you continue to contact, hug, flirt?
In lots of circumstances, the boundaries between friends and former lovers are undefined and messy. What begins as informal banter can flip into emotional manipulation. One particular person could also be secretly hoping for a reconciliation, whereas the opposite enjoys the consolation with out the dedication.
It’s arduous to construct a real friendship when there’s nonetheless ambiguity about what you actually are.
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6. You’re Holding Onto One thing That’s Already Ended
Typically, staying associates is only a means of avoiding the reality: the connection didn’t work. And that’s okay. Not each love story is supposed to final endlessly. However refusing to let go retains you emotionally anchored to a chapter that’s already closed.
Friendship can develop into a disguise for denial—one which stops you from rising, reflecting, and finally attracting more healthy connections. Letting go doesn’t imply you’re bitter. It means you respect your previous sufficient to go away it behind.
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7. True Buddies Don’t Include Romantic Baggage
A real friendship needs to be freed from stress, longing, or emotional residue. However friendships with exes hardly ever supply that form of clear slate. Whether or not it is refined energy dynamics, unresolved arguments, or secret comparisons, one thing at all times lingers beneath the floor.
You deserve friendships that are emotionally safe, uncomplicated, and rooted in real care—not nostalgia or guilt.
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Respect the Love, However Let It Go
There’s nothing unsuitable with wishing your ex effectively. You possibly can respect the connection you as soon as had with no need to maintain the particular person in your life. Typically, love ends. And generally, probably the most self-loving factor you are able to do is launch what not suits—so you can also make room for what really does.
Closure is not at all times a dialog. Typically, it is a quiet choice to cease answering messages that re-open wounds you’ve got labored arduous to shut.
So in case you’re questioning whether or not to remain associates along with your ex… ask your self: Is that this serving to me transfer ahead—or retaining me emotionally caught?
The reply could also be all you might want to lastly let go.
