Pricey Pulse, I’m damaged.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. We’ve constructed one thing strong — or so I assumed. Just lately, I came upon he has a toddler, slightly woman he’s been hiding from me your entire time.
He didn’t come clear. I came upon via another person, and after I confronted him, he admitted it. His excuse? He was scared I’d depart if I knew the reality from the beginning. He says it was a one-time factor with the kid’s mom, and that he’s not concerned romantically together with her. He additionally insists he’s dedicated to me, and that he deliberate to inform me “when the time was proper.”
However two years? That’s a very long time to maintain one thing this main hidden.
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I’m harm and confused. It feels just like the model of him I’ve liked doesn’t exist — like he’s been performing a task all alongside. On the similar time, I nonetheless care about him, and I don’t wish to decide I’ll remorse. My household already know him and he is getting ready to come back and ask for my hand in marriage. My mother says I ought to overlook it as a result of I’m 32 however I do not really feel comfy.
Ought to I stroll away from this relationship or attempt to forgive him?
-Sedinam.
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Good day Sedinam,
Thanks for opening up and sharing one thing so deeply private. We perceive how troublesome it have to be to course of such a discovery, particularly if you’ve invested two years of your life right into a relationship you believed was constructed on honesty.
Let’s be clear: hiding a toddler isn’t a small omission. It’s a significant a part of somebody’s life — one which has direct impression on any long-term companion. His worry of dropping you would possibly clarify his silence, nevertheless it would not excuse it.
Relationships are constructed on belief, not withheld truths.
You now face two truths:
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He didn’t belief you sufficient to be sincere from the start.
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You continue to take care of him, and your future collectively is being weighed towards that betrayal.
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It’s additionally comprehensible that your loved ones, notably your mum, is urging you to contemplate your age — however being 32 isn’t a deadline. It’s not too late to decide on your self. Getting married out of stress or worry of beginning over just isn’t the inspiration for a peaceable life.
Ask your self:
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Forgiveness is feasible, however provided that it comes with modified behaviour, transparency, and a willingness to rebuild what’s been damaged. In the event you’re not at peace, that issues greater than anybody else’s timeline in your life. Whether or not you keep or go, let the choice come from a spot of readability — not stress, guilt, or worry.
— Pulse
